Pretentious Christian Comedian Demands The Kitchen Sink on His Rider

Marty Simpson's Rider
Everyone has heard stories of famous rock bands demanding certain incredibly specific things on their riders like “only green M & M’s” or “Chex Mix with no bagel chips.” We had always chalked it up to the stuff of legend. Well now, Christian Comedian Marty Simpson has taken this concept to a new extreme.

Included in his demands are hotel rooms for his two golden doodles, pH balanced water in the hotel room toilets in case the doodles drink from the aforementioned toilets, reimbursements for expenses during travel including toll roads, amusement park fees, snow cones, bail money, and back massages, as well as a host of other idiosyncratic demands. Not the least of which is,

In lieu of a sound system, Marty prefers to connect his microphone to a splitter that will go to two large jam (and/or boom) boxes. These boxes should be on the left and right of the stage. They should be held over their head by two 17 year old boys, both of whom should be wearing beige trench coats.
– Excerpt from Page 2 of Marty Simpson’s Rider –

The nerve of some artists is astounding. But evidently some people don’t agree. Here is a recent quote from one of the clients who booked Marty for a show.

I just read Marty’s rider. Not only was it refreshing, it made me blow milk out of my nose. I totally didn’t see it coming.
– Lance G. Flood, M.A. – Executive Director – Tennessee Valley Pastoral Counseling

Take a look at Marty Simpson’s rider here and see if you agree.